The Space Between Us Read online

  “She isn't who I want to go with.” I looked away before he could catch me watching him or see my smile. This was good. We would go to the dance, but not together. Not with anyone else, mind you, but not as a date. I took a deep breath. This was ok.

  That night when I returned from Asher's basketball game, my dad sat at the kitchen table reading a book, waiting for me.

  “Hi, Charlie Bear. How was Asher's game?”

  “Good,” I said as I took off his jacket, frowning that I had forgotten to give it back to him.

  “They win?”

  “Yeah. Asher scored some awesome three-pointers too. He's so good.”

  “If he works hard, he might be able to play college ball. He's got a lot of potential,” Dad said, still looking at me. I gave him a small smile.

  “So, Papa Bear,” I said sweetly. He knew something was coming by my term of endearment. I grew out of calling him Papa Bear when I was about seven, even though his nickname for me would never die. I was ok with that. I liked that my dad still called me Charlie Bear. “Asher, Reeve and I were talking, and we all want to go to the Spring Fling together with a group of people. Do you think it would be ok if I went?”

  “What is the Spring Fling?”

  “It's a dance at school. It's semi-formal, so I would probably need to get a dress.”

  “A dance, huh?”

  “Yeah, but none of us are taking dates. We're just all going to go as a group, like, a big group of friends.” I'm not even sure I believed what I was saying, so I was sure my dad was going to see straight through me and bring up what was really going on. I wiped my sweaty palms on the back pockets of my jeans. I tried to remain cool; I really wanted to go to this dance. I could admit that to myself even if I wouldn't admit it to Asher or Reeve. But if my dad knew why I wanted to go so badly, there was a chance he wouldn't let me. His no dating rule was still in play.

  “Who all is going in this 'big group of friends',” he said, using his fingers to make air quotes. I smiled at him a little.

  “Well, it would be Reeve, Asher and me. Then probably some guys from the basketball team, and Lizzy. You know, just a group of kids, going to a dance,” I said nonchalantly. I tried to get him to smile. I was trying to hide the fact that I wanted to go to this dance more than anything in the world. My dad looked at me for a few moments, unblinking. Then I heard him take a deep breath in and saw him shift in his seat.

  “Ok, Charlie. I'll let you go to the dance.” As excitement flowed through me, I closed the distance between us and threw my arms around his neck in a tight hug.

  “Thank you, Daddy!”

  “Don't thank me yet. I have some restrictions.” I pulled away from him and frowned a little.

  “Ok... what are they?”

  “I have to have dress approval, I will drive you and Reeve to and from the dance, and you will have to come home right after. No after parties of any kind.” I would not reveal to him that I was so thankful he was going to let me go at all that these stipulations were completely fine with me.

  “Ok,” I said with mocked sullenness. Suddenly I thought about dress shopping with my father. Nothing sounded more mortifying. I winced as I asked my next question. “Do you think it would be ok if I went dress shopping with Reeve and her mother?” I saw him mulling the question around in his mind.

  “I think that would be ok, so long as you understand that if I don't approve of the dress we will just take it back and buy something potatoe-sackey.” I giggled at his joke, but he didn't look like he was joking.

  “One more question,” I said with the sweetest smile I could muster.

  “Yes?”

  “Do you think, since I won't be going to any parties afterward, that I could invite Reeve to spend the night here?”

  “Of course, that's fine.”

  “Thank you, Daddy!” I flung my arms around his neck again, giving him a tight squeeze.

  “Anything for you, Charlie Bear.”

  Chapter Five

  The night of the dance came upon us quicker than I could have imagined. Reeve and I were in my bathroom putting the final touches on our outifts and I couldn't believe how different I looked and felt when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I felt like Pinocchio when he turned into a real, live boy. The transformation was unreal. I went shopping with Reeve and her mom for a dress and luckily my dad approved of my choice.

  I wore a peach-colored, halter-style dress with ruching along the midsection. It had a tiered skirt with different fabrics making up each layer. I thought the visual of the different fabrics flowing down the length of the skirt was so beautiful that I knew I wanted that dress immediately. The skirt also cut at an angle, making it even more appealing in my eyes. The long side of the skirt came down to just above my knees, with the high side reaching to mid-thigh. It was different and pretty. I loved it. My dad was a little chagrined by the skirt. I knew he thought the high side was a little high, but honestly, most of my legs were covered and once he saw Reeve's dress he couldn't complain.

  Reeve's dress was absolutely stunning. I would never wear anything like it, but she was braver than I was, more daring. Her dress was a bubblegum pink color, strapless, with a sweetheart neckline. It also had this amazing piece of black lace that wrapped around half of it, covering one breast and half of her skirt. It was also short, very short. Reeve was much taller than I was, so she had way more leg than I could ever hope for. I was sure my dad was going to throw a blanket over her when he saw her come down the stairs in her dress. His eyes bulged out of his head almost making me laugh. Reeve's mom stood at the bottom of the stairs snapping pictures of us, telling us how beautiful we looked.

  “Reeve, that dress is gorgeous on you. And Charlie, you look stunning.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Anderson,” I squeaked, not use to taking compliments. After a million pictures were taken, my dad sullenly herded us out to his car. He didn't say much on the drive over but when he pulled up to the school he turned around and gave us a stern look.

  “I will be waiting to pick you both up right here at ten thirty, sharp. Do not be late and, uh, have a good time.”

  “Dad, don't worry, everything will be fine. It's just a dance.” I tried my best to make him feel better, but I knew he was uncomfortable. I was his only daughter heading off to my first dance and my mom wasn't around to give me all the normal 'talks' girls my age were supposed to be having with their mothers. I knew my dad was feeling my mother's absence tonight and I understood how hard it was for him; it was hard for me too. I rubbed his forearm gently and then leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “See you in a few hours, Daddy.” I gave him a bright smile and we climbed out of the car.

  “Asher is going to freak when he sees you in this dress,” Reeve said as we walked through the metal doors into the school.

  “Shut up. Everyone is going to freak when they see you. You look amazing in that dress, Reeve, like, hot.” She smiled brilliantly at me and I smiled back at her. We walked into the gymnasium which was transformed for the dance.

  White curtains draped everywhere with different colored lights shading areas in bright flashes of prismatic hues. There were big, round, white lanterns hanging from the ceiling, spaced evenly around the white flower streamers that also hung from the ceiling as well. It didn't look like the gym we ran laps around, instead I felt like I'd wandered into a cloud – a cloud currently hosting a rave, but a cloud nonetheless.

  Reeve grabbed my hand and took me through the crowds of people on the dance floor. Everyone looked amazing. So many girls wore beautiful dresses, their hair perfectly styled, laughing and dancing with boys wearing sharp suits and shiny shoes. Everyone smiled and bounced to the music. The happiness was contagious and I found myself smiling while admiring all the gorgeous people surrounding me. My eyes flitted from person to person, taking in their dresses, their smiles, their dance moves. I was enthralled by it all and completely enamored by the whole experience.

  My breath caught in my lungs and my
body hit an invisible wall when I spotted him across the cloud. He stood with some of his friends, talking and laughing. I could only see his profile, but I could already tell he looked incredible in his dark suit. When I stopped walking, Reeve was tugged backwards. She shot me a confused look, but then followed my gaze and caught me staring at Asher. She yelled into my ear, “He looks good, Charlie.” All I could do was nod. He looked amazing. My tummy was doing all kinds of weird swirls, and it felt incredibly empty and hollow.

  I turned into Reeve and pulled her arm so that she brought her ear down to my lips.

  “I don't think I can go over there, Reeve.”

  “Why?”

  “I don't know. All of a sudden I'm not feeling well.”

  “Charlie, everything is going to be ok. You're just nervous. Hey,” she said, trying to get my attention. I looked up at her. “It's just Asher.” Just Asher. Only Asher.

  I thought about what she was saying and even though it was just Asher, I didn't feel like I was just me. I felt like someone else, or like I was becoming someone else. Asher was my best friend, the first person who cared about me here. The only person who cared enough to push me to come out of my shell. He'd been my best friend for years and if anything took that friendship from me, I didn't know what I would do.

  “I'm scared,” I confessed to Reeve in a moment of mouth-filter malfunction.

  “Of what?”

  “That something will happen to ruin our friendship.”

  Her face softened and she placed a warm hand on my shoulder. “Asher would never do anything to hurt you, Charlie. Do you like him? You know, like, more than the boy who is your friend?”

  “What does that even mean?” I laughed nervously, trying to avoid answering the question.

  “You know what it means. Do you have feelings for him?”

  “I have lots of feelings for him,” I answered, hoping the obviousness of my answer would be overlooked.

  “No, I mean, do you have romantic feelings for him.” Reeve looked annoyed at my dodging of her questions.

  “I don't know, Reeve. He's Asher.” I lied, to Reeve and myself.

  “Well, I think you should go over there and just see what happens. I know he's looking forward to seeing you.” I took in a deep breath and let it out loudly, knowing the thumping of the bass from the music would hide my nervousness.

  “Ok, let's go.” I'm not sure there would be anything I could do to prepare myself to talk to him right now, so I might as well just go over there. It was only Asher, after all. Reeve grabbed my hand and resumed pulling me through the crowd again. As we inched closer to him, I saw the moment when he realized I was near. His shoulders moved back, he stood up straighter and turned his head in our direction. I could no longer hear the loud beat of the music or the laughter ringing through the gym; all I could hear was my own heartbeat and it was racing. His eyes locked on mine and I saw the corners of them wrinkle a little, knowing he was smiling but too lost in his eyes to look away. When his eyes moved from mine it was to look slowly down my body, taking in my dress. The thump-thump of my heart sped up knowing that he was looking at me – really looking. My mouth was dry, my palms were sweaty, and my stomach was somewhere in the parking lot.

  Then, all of a sudden, I was right in front of him. I could not remember walking up to him, but here I was, staring at him.

  “Hi,” I squeaked out at him.

  “Hey, Bit.” I couldn't help but smile at his nickname for me. It calmed me a little. I tried to remind myself that no matter what, Asher was my best friend. “Uh,” he stammered, running his hand through his short hair. “You look amazing.” He looked at my body again. My dress, he was looking at my dress.

  “Thanks. You look really good in your suit too.” I replied, proud of myself for getting out an entire sentence. Then I noticed the color of his tie: peach. I looked at him quizzically. “Your tie,” I said pointing to his chest. He looked down and touched it lightly. Then he nearly killed me by touching my arm and leaning into me to speak into my ear. My eyes closed involuntarily. His nearness and his breath on my skin sent chill bumps spreading like wildfire.

  “Reeve told me what color your dress was. I hope you don't mind.” I shook my head and I'm sure my expression was that of shock. “I know you couldn't have an official date,” he said into my ear again, making everything turn to jello again. “But I didn't want anyone thinking that you were available.”

  “Available?” I stammered.

  He smiled at me and then walked towards a large round table, pulling me with him. He picked up a box from the table and pulled out from it a beautiful corsage made with one peach colored rose surrounded with baby's breath.

  “Here,” he said as he slipped it over my wrist. “Every girl needs a corsage at a dance.” I looked from him, down to the flower, and back up to him numerous times. My mouth was broken and I couldn't even find the words appropriate at that moment. Eventually I was able to shake off my surprise as his thoughtfulness, but still not able to form words. I mouthed 'thank you' to him. He winked at me and I nearly fainted.

  We turned back around and joined our group of friends closer to the dance floor. Reeve shot me a smile and I glared at her playfully, knowing she was in on the surprises that Asher had planned for me. For the next hour or so we all stood in a group, talking loudly over the music, dancing in place, taking breaks for punch and generally having an awesome time.

  I tried not to focus too hard on the fact that Asher seemed to always find a way to touch me. Sometimes his arm was around my shoulders in a friendly way. Sometimes he wrapped it around my waist in a more personal way which made my heart jack-hammer in my chest. At one point, he took his hand and slid it into mine, gripping it gently. I looked up at him and he gave me a shy smile. We never held hands before. I never held hands with anyone. I was instantly concerned with how hand-holding worked. Should I link my fingers with his? Was he holding my hand because we were friends? Did other people think we were holding hands because we were dating? Were we dating? If I had to let go for some reason, was I allowed to wrap my hand around his again? Did I have to let go?

  I felt him give my hand a squeeze, pulling me from my hand-holding freak out. I looked up at him and he was smiling.

  “You ok?”

  I nodded my head, trying to smile, but I'm sure I looked like I was going to be sick.

  “Are you ok with this?” He asked as he squeezed my hand again, indicating he was asking about us holding hands.

  I nodded my head again.

  “Can you say something? It would make me feel better about all of this.” I swallowed hard, trying to push down my nerves.

  “I'm ok with this,” was all I could manage, but it satisfied him enough that he gave me another wink. This time I really smiled.

  I think because it was a school dance, the DJ played fast songs we could all dance to, but eventually the DJ turned on a slow song. The atmosphere in the room changed from fun and happy to nervous and sweaty. Some kids immediately paired off. Couples that were established took no time and wrapped around each other. The rest of us stood in a moment of uncomfortable edginess. I noticed many people looking around either looking for someone to ask to dance, or trying to make themselves look bored perhaps hoping someone would ask them. All I was doing was trying to avoid Asher's gaze. Our hands were still linked, palm-to-palm, and I was nervous that he was going to ask me to dance with him.

  I felt him lean in closer to me, then I felt the small breeze of his whisper move past my skin.

  “Will you dance with me, Bit?”

  Every nerve in my body screamed no. No way. If I didn't step all over his feet, surely I would throw up on his shoes. My mind wasn't ready for all of this to be happening. Just hours ago we were just friends, and now we were floating around on this confusing cloud of something more and all I felt was confused. Yet, even though my mind screamed no, my body said yes. A small nod was all Asher needed to lead me onto the dance floor, still holding my hand.


  We walked into the middle of the crowd of teenagers swaying to the music and Asher stopped and turned towards me, a small smile playing across his face. He unclasped my hand and brought his palms to my waist, resting them on the bell curve just above my hips. I tried to stifle the sharp breath I sucked in when I felt his hands on me, but I wasn’t sure he didn't hear.

  I wore high heels, so I was taller than usual, and my head came just up to his chin. I reached up and, with butterflies the size of swallows fluttering around my stomach, I clasped my hands around his neck, trying desperately to avoid his gaze. I was afraid of what I would see in his eyes or what he would see in mine. I felt him touch me just below my chin and brought my face around to look at him.

  “Charlie, relax. This is just you and me. It's us, Bit. Don't be nervous.” A shaky breath escaped me as his finger trailed up from my chin and moved over my cheek to my ear where he tucked away a lock that had gone astray. His fingers moved down and sifted through my long tresses, fingering the strands until he'd touched the entirety of their length. I couldn't take his gaze anymore so I moved my cheek to rest it against his chest, sighing into him, trying to let my nerves leave my body with my breath.

  We swayed back and forth, moving to the slow melodic tune of a song sung by a woman with a low alto voice. I tried to focus on the lyrics, but I was too distracted by keeping meticulous track of every point of contact between our bodies. My front was pressed to his chest, and the longer we danced the closer I pressed in, eliminating the space between us. His hands eventually moved to wrap around my waist, resting on the small of my back, his fingers splayed out, claiming so much of me. I never imagined what it would be like to have Asher's hands on me, but I knew at this moment I would never want anyone else's.