Had Enough Read online

  I cried because I knew I had no one to blame but myself.

  I let myself have a few moments of regret, but then I wiped my hands across my face, leveled out my breathing, and found my way to an elevator. According to my phone I had ten hours until my flight left for Portland. I needed water, medicine, and sleep. And then I needed to figure out how I was going to spend an entire flight ignoring and avoiding Justin.

  Chapter Two

  Justin

  I knew before I even opened my eyes that Hadley was gone.

  I wasn’t surprised, really. But I was disappointed. Even through my drunken haze the night before, I’d had some shimmering hope that she’d moved past the “Let’s Pretend Justin Doesn’t Exist” phase of our relationship. Maybe it was the way she let me kiss every part of her body. But when I’d rolled over and felt cold sheets, I knew she’d run. It was typical, but it wasn’t any less frustrating.

  I wanted to make sure she was all right, that she’d made it back to her room, that she wasn’t feeling as absolutely wrecked as I was, but I knew if I texted her she’d just ignore me. I had dozens of unanswered texts to back up that assumption.

  What was one more?

  **I hope you’re safe in your room. I wish you would have stayed or at least let me walk you back. See you at the airport.**

  I sent the text but wasn’t dumb enough to expect a reply.

  I wasn’t dumb enough to expect anything from Hadley, but for some reason I was crazy enough to keep hoping for things to change.

  I lay there a few minutes, trying to adjust to the idea of being awake and supremely hungover.

  My mind drifted back to the night before, to the way Hadley slowly let me closer and closer until it seemed as though I’d finally cracked her open. We kept drinking because with every drink she became less guarded. Not in a creepy date-rape kind of way, but in a way I’d been hoping she’d open up for months now. She was talking and laughing and engaging with me. She wasn’t shutting me out.

  Camden and Riley had left pretty early into the evening, leaving Rachel, Tripp, Jasper, Ben, Greg, Hadley, and me to make the most of our one night in Vegas. Eventually, one by one, or two in the case of Tripp and Rachel, they’d all succumbed to exhaustion and abandoned us, leaving Hadley and me standing in front of the Bellagio fountain, happy drunk and wrapped around each other.

  “Spend the night with me,” I’d whispered in her ear, fully aware of the way her breath halted at my words. I’d hoped and prayed she’d agree, wanting to show her that I wasn’t just some chump looking to score, that I wanted her in every way and for more than just one night. But if one night was my foot in the door, I’d start there.

  She never actually answered me, which should have been my clue that she’d be gone before the sun came up. She’d just wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed the fuck out of me.

  It wasn’t our first kiss, but it was the first time she’d let me undress her, to see her unimaginably incredible body. It was the first time she hadn’t said no, hadn’t stopped me, or ignored me, or teased me. Once we’d made it back to my hotel room I met an entirely different Hadley than before. She was open and gentle and soft, and so fucking sexy.

  Images of her long, dirty blond hair falling around her face, her mouth open, her eyes looking directly into mine, they had every part of me coming to attention. Every part.

  I rolled over and groaned, both because of the sadistic images rolling around in my brain of Hadley naked in my bed, but also because I felt like the gum stuck to the sidewalk on the Vegas strip. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d drunk so much and my head was definitely complaining. I took in a few deep breaths and opened my eyes, only to see Hadley’s black thong draped across the only chair in the room. I vaguely remembered throwing them over my shoulder just before my mouth met her sex.

  Fucking Christ.

  None of this was good.

  No, that wasn’t true.

  It would have been good if Hadley had stayed. If I’d woken up and found her still sleeping, or even awake and content. Instead, she’d run. And in doing so she’d made everything exponentially more difficult.

  I slowly rolled onto my back and brushed my hands down my face, mentally preparing myself to get out of bed and head to the airport. It would be an uncomfortable day of travel, but I knew Hadley most likely felt worse.

  I scooped up her panties as I walked to the bathroom, dropping them in my suitcase, which lay open on the floor as I passed by. She’d want those back. Or perhaps I’d keep them.

  A few hours and two very strong cups of coffee later I was walking to my gate at the airport. I knew in a few minutes Camden and Riley were going to appear and then he was going to surprise her with a trip to Hawaii for their honeymoon, leaving the rest of us to fly back to Portland on our own.

  I approached the gate and my eyes were immediately drawn to the beautiful Hadley sitting near a window. She donned sunglasses and a telltale white cup that I knew was filled with coffee. Her knees were drawn up and resting on the seat across from her while her head leaned back against the seat behind. She looked exhausted and exquisite.

  Rachel and Jasper were involved in their own conversation and the three parental units were also talking amongst themselves, so I was left with two options: sit by myself or try to talk to Hadley. Even though it would kill her to admit it, I knew her. So I knew she didn’t want me to talk to her at all. That alone almost made me walk right over and take the seat next to her. But if she was feeling even half as poorly as I was, I knew she wouldn’t be in the mood for any of my shit. Instead, I pulled out my phone and sat down on the other side of the gate, trying to look busy.

  A few minutes later when Camden and Riley showed up, I couldn’t help but notice how happy and not hungover they looked. As much as I couldn’t believe how they’d found each other, I had to admit happy looked good on both of them. When he’d told me he met a girl at a Renegades basketball game when they’d been put up on the Jumbotron for the Kiss Cam, well, I never thought it would be the beginning to an actual marriage. But Camden was smart to snatch Riley up—she was a catch. And there was no denying they made each other stupidly happy. Even sickeningly happy at times.

  Camden pulled out the boarding passes for Hawaii and Riley lost her mind, just as I knew she would.

  Camden set the bar high. It would figure I’d fall for his wife’s best friend and suffer by comparison.

  We all said goodbye to the happy couple and I watched as they disappeared down the airport terminal, hand in hand, nothing but suffocating happiness trailing in their wake.

  What I wouldn’t give to have Hadley smile at me just once the way Riley was smiling at Camden.

  Well, that was a lie. She had smiled at me last night. She smiled a lot, actually. What I wouldn’t give to have Hadley smile at me while she was sober.

  I sighed and shook my head at my own downtrodden thoughts. Surely, a woman smiling at me without being drunk shouldn’t end up in the hashtag lifegoals category, but alas, it had.

  Hadley returned to her seat, eyes still hidden behind dark sunglasses, but I could tell she was purposefully ignoring me. Instead of feeling even more like an idiot, I decided to inject myself into Rachel and Jasper’s conversation. I’d met them a few times, but Camden and Riley had always been around as buffers. I wasn’t sure I had anything in common with either of them, but I was willing to find out if it meant I wasn’t sitting alone in an airport wishing Hadley would speak to me.

  “I bet by this time next year they have a baby.” That came from Jasper and it almost made me turn around and sentence myself to a seat alone.

  “Shut up, Jasper. They don’t need to get pregnant yet. They’re still young and focused on their careers. Babies can wait.” That came from Rachel and I was surprised to hear the words from a woman’s mouth. That might make me a little douche-ey, but it was my first thought. It also made me like her a little bit more.

  Truth be told I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to
either one of them a lot the night before. Everyone either paired off or disappeared and then it was too late. They both seemed like great people, I just didn’t really know what to say to them. It was a difficult concept to wrap my mind around and even harder to vocalize, but Rachel and Jasper belonged to Riley, and Riley belonged to Hadley. If someone was to look in on our little dysfunctional relationship, it would be obvious that Hadley had more of a connection with Rachel and Jasper than I did. I knew they all hung out together sometimes, that Hadley would join them for lunch during the week, and as silly and juvenile as it felt, I didn’t want to tread on her territory. I didn’t want to give her any more reasons to push me away, and I definitely didn’t want her to distance herself from her friends, so talking with Jasper and Rachel was in some ways dangerous. But I had little choice at the moment. If left to myself I would only sulk.

  I didn’t want Hadley to see me sulking, didn’t want her to think anything was out of the ordinary. The instant I made it obvious that last night changed everything, she’d shut me out even further. I smirked and brought my hand to rub my bearded chin, my fingers vibrating against the thick scruff, and laughed at the thought of Hadley freezing me out more than she was in that instant. I was ice-cold.

  “I don’t know, I’d put fifty dollars on an anniversary baby,” Jasper said, almost sounding as though he was pleased with the idea.

  “I’ll take that bet,” I said, coming up behind him and Rachel.

  “Me too,” Rachel replied, smiling at me. “Riley is not ready for a baby.”

  “Neither is Camden. Although, I bet if they did end up getting pregnant he’d sell me his season tickets to the Renegades.”

  “It would be hard to take a baby to a basketball game,” Jasper added thoughtfully.

  “I feel like our group of friends is too newly minted to add any unplanned pregnancies to the mix.” Rachel said the words and looked at both Jasper and me for confirmation. “Are you guys ready to be honorary uncles?”

  “No,” Jasper and I said in unison, making Rachel laugh.

  “I am, however, willing to housesit anytime they need me,” Jasper continued.

  “Is anyone watching their house while they’re in Hawaii?”

  “I am,” Hadley called out from her seat.

  I didn’t think she could hear us, or was even interested in our conversation.

  “Oh,” Rachel said with a smile. “Lucky you. They have a hot tub.”

  Hadley’s head was tilted back far enough so she could look at Rachel, although that was an assumption because I couldn’t see her eyes through the dark lenses of her sunglasses. Her long hair was hanging low, hitting the seat behind her. But I could see the smile she wore, how soft and warm it was, so I knew it wasn’t directed at me.

  “You can come over any time. I’ll be lonely for two weeks.”

  “You’ve got a date.”

  Hadley’s smile widened, then she went back to looking forward again. When Rachel turned back to Jasper and me her eyes went directly to me, then they widened, like I’d caught her doing something she wasn’t supposed to, and she dropped her gaze to her feet.

  Interesting.

  I knew Camden and Riley were invested in whatever was happening between Hadley and me, but it hadn’t occurred to me the rest of the group had picked up on it. Great. Everyone wanted to know how our relationship was progressing just as much as I did.

  “I think I’m going to grab some coffee before we board.”

  I walked past Hadley, but I didn’t bother trying to get her attention. I knew I had it, knew she was as aware of me as I was of her, but I also knew she’d never admit to it. I could feel her eyes on my back as I passed her, knowing those sunglasses were not just to protect her eyes from the harsh light, that it wasn’t just a hangover keeping them on. She didn’t want anyone to know she was watching me.

  I couldn’t help the smirk that tilted up the corner of my mouth.

  Last night may have been a mistake in her mind, but in mine it was just the beginning.

  Chapter Three

  Hadley

  I was a city girl. Had been my whole life. Well, as city as it got in Portland. We didn’t have an underground subway system or a theatre district, but we did have a unicyclist who played flaming bagpipes, so… same thing. The only bad thing about being a city girl was in the mornings when other people didn’t respect the fact that I had a bubble.

  Public transit was the worst, but being that Portland was the number one city people were migrating to in the entire country, the freeways were stupid crowded and it sucked balls trying to get anywhere close to the river. Not to mention if you didn’t drive a green vehicle that was powered by electricity, you were publicly shamed.

  I’d grown to like my routine of walking from my apartment to the MAX station and taking it downtown, stopping by my favorite coffee shop before getting to my shared workspace.

  That morning, however, with the suit-wearing perv pressing his very obvious penis into my backside, was about to make me lose my cool. The train came to a stop and all the standing riders had no choice but to sway with the motion, but Mr. Thin Dick behind me used the opportunity to grind against me one last time.

  “Listen up, pencil dick,” I said as I turned my face to look him in the eye. Glad I did, too, because I watched the slimy smirk fade from his face and very quickly be replaced by wide-eyed terror. “If you don’t keep your beef stick out of my backside, I’m gonna snap it like a Slim Jim.”

  He was stunned into silence for a moment, but then I watched as his face contorted into embarrassed anger.

  “Oh, please. Like I’d purposefully touch you. We’re all just trying to get to work,” he said, even as he took a small step backward.

  “Oh, you’re crowded?” I looked around the train car. “Anyone else got a small-ish penis being pressed into their ass? Have we reached maximum capacity? Are asses fair game now?”

  I heard a few people snickering and one woman from the other side of the train yelled out, “Get him, sister!”

  “Welp, looks like everyone else is keeping their dicks to themselves, so back the fuck up.” I glared at him with more anger than I even knew I possessed. He’d chosen the wrong woman and the wrong day to try to cop a feel on the train.

  The doors were about to close and I almost laughed as he pushed past me mumbling an angered “Bitch” at me before promptly exiting the train.

  I let out a sigh and with it came the tension I hadn’t realized I was holding in. In fact, the entire train seemed to take a breath, and even though I got a few nods and concerned smiles from some of the other women on the train, no one—especially no men—moved to take the vacated spot behind me.

  Perhaps I was still stewing about the Vegas trip, or perhaps I was just pissed it was Monday, but that man was lucky I didn’t have a weapon on me.

  After a few more stops I made my way off the train and let myself wander on autopilot to get my coffee. My gaze drifted along the city streets and buildings, but my mind was elsewhere. When I arrived at my favorite coffee shop, I walked to the end of the long line and waited. I pulled out my phone and checked Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, finding nothing intriguing except one post by my favorite Portland furniture designer.

  I’d always had a penchant for decorating. In fact, my mom used to get so irritated when I’d rearrange my room every six weeks or ask to paint it a different color every summer. When I’d gotten my very first paycheck from my high school babysitting job, the very first thing I’d purchased was a club chair. It was gray with purple flowers and perfect for reading. In fact, I still had it and it was one of my favorite pieces, if only for sentimental reasons.

  I was the only kid in high school who didn’t have a car, but instead had a five-hundred-dollar chandelier hanging in my bedroom. I bought most of my clothes used, but wouldn’t bat an eyelash at a designer lamp. Riley had hit the jackpot when we were paired together in the dorms because I’d already done a ton of research before we m
oved in on how to optimize the space and what kind of décor would give us the most bang for our buck. She’d given me free rein when I’d laid out my plans—legit blue prints—and let me do my thing. We had the best dorm on campus that year. Naturally.

  “Happy Monday, Hadley. You want the regular?” Brian, the barista who greeted me most mornings, asked.

  “You know it,” I said with a smile, the irritation from the train ride easing with the smell of hot coffee filling my lungs. Every morning I tried so hard to be good and ordered an iced sugar-free vanilla almond milk latte. My theory was, if I had no sugar before dinner, then I could always have dessert. Brian knew my order by heart since I’d been there most weekday mornings for three years. I handed him my five-dollar-bill and asked, “How was your weekend?”

  “Pretty decent,” he answered while he marked up my cup with a sharpie. “My girl and I went to the river and floated for two hours.”

  “Sounds fun,” I said and meant it.

  “How about you? Do anything fun?”

  My mind instantly flashed to Justin and sneaking out of his hotel room just a day ago, my heart thumping harder in my chest, but I wasn’t about to spill all that to Brian.

  “My best friend eloped to Vegas and I went with her. It was awesome.”

  “Shit, Hadley, you’re back to work on a Monday after a weekend in Vegas? You obviously didn’t get into enough trouble.” He gave me a wink and made me laugh. Brian wasn’t hitting on me even though it may have looked that way to the people in line behind me. I’d been hearing about his girlfriend for almost two years. There was nothing between us except friendly banter.

  “You know what they say about what happens in Vegas…” I let my words trail off, then offered him a wink of my own as I moved down the counter to where I would receive my coffee.

  The cold coffee felt wonderful in my hand as I made it the last few blocks to my office building. It was warm outside even if it was early. I loved summer. It was absolutely my most favorite time of year. I was all about the tank tops and flip-flops. Sometimes I even wore them to work. It was one of the perks of being self-employed. If there was a day I was sure I wouldn’t be meeting with clients, I was known to come to work in some very casual clothes during the summer.